
Lohocla's Create Beer & Pretzels (Alteration)

Level: 1
Range: 10 yards
Components: V, S, M
Duration: Special
Casting Time: 1 turn
Area of Effect: Special
Saving Throw: None

     Lohocla didn't want clerics to be the only spell casters able to
create food. Unfortunately, the results might not be as nourishing as a
cleric's food and water. However, Lohocla's beer and pretzels have
their benefits.
     When this spell is cast, the mage causes beer and pretzels to
appear. For every level of the mage, a quart of beer is created and a
half-pound of pretzels. The pretzels come in a wide variety of sizes
and types. The beer is of excellent quality and quite filling.
     The beer becomes flat and the pretzels become stale in 24 hours,
although they can be restored for another 24 hours by a purify spell of
some sort.
     The material components of the spell is a pinch of salt and a
pinch of hops.




Lohocla's Deadly Bottle Rockets (Evocation)

Level: 1
Range: 50 yards + 10 yards/level
Components: V, M
Duration: Instantaneous
Casting Time: 1
Area of Effect: 1 or more creatures in 25-foot cube
Saving Throw: None

     This spell was created by Lohocla or at least commissioned by him.
Lohocla wanted to give a gift(?) back to those mages who have supported
him in the past. This spell is bizarre in that a person must be
intoxicated to use. Lohocla has a unique concept of magic and the best
way to wield it. Yet, this may be a benefit because this eccentric
spell allows the mage to cast at low-level, a powerful and damaging
(possibly dangerous) rockets at its opponents even though his current
ability is poor because the intoxication.
     The material components of this spell are a bottle of alcohol (any
type) and a 1-foot long smooth stick that can fit into the bottle with
one end sticking out.
     An unusual spell indeed, this spell cannot be cast unless the
caster is under the influence of alcohol (i.e. in a state of slight,
moderate, or great intoxication). Of course, the mage generally doesn't
go adventuring while drunk, so this becomes a big hindrance if not
useless. On the other hand, it can be a real benefit when the mage goes
to a place knowing full well that he will become intoxicated. Mainly,
because the % of spell failure does not exist in the case of this spell
(note that the chance of spell failure is still there for all other
spells). This becomes very valuable because the mage can get
intoxicated, with all the problems it entails, and always have a
memorized spell that will work (especially when greatly intoxicated
when the % chance of spell failure is 100%).
     When the mages casts the spell, he must take a swig of alcohol
from the bottle, place the stick in the bottle, and then aim the bottle
at its target which all takes place while saying the magical words.
     Once the spell is cast, 2 per-level sparkling rockets of magical
energy fly out of the bottle with a ear piercing whistle to unerringly
strike their target(s) with a dazzling display of colors (see below).
This includes enemy creatures in a melee. The target creature must be
seen must be seen otherwise detected to be hit, however, so near-total
concealment, such as that offered by arrow slits, can render the spell
ineffective. Likewise, the caster must be able to identify the target.
He cannot direct a rocket to "strike the captain of the guard," unless
he can single out the captain from the rest of the soldiers. Specific
parts of a creature cannot be singled out. Inanimate objects (locks,
etc.) cannot be damaged by the spell, and the rockets disperse with no
effect.
     Very fascinating, the damage a rocket does is dependent on the
state of intoxication the mage is in. If in a state of slight
intoxication, each rocket will do 1d4+1 points of damage. If in a state
of moderate intoxication, each rocket will do 1d8+1 points of damage.
If in a state of great intoxication, each rocket will do 1d12+1 points
of damage. This is possibly the only instance where being more
intoxicated is a benefit in combat.
     When a rocket hits a target, a spray (5' X 10' X 10' wedge) of
vivid multiple colors spring forth from the impact spot. Usually, the
color splash is harmless but dazzling. There is a 1% chance per level
of the caster that the color slash will be harmful. If harmful, then
from one to six creatures (1d6) within the area are affected in order
of increasing distance from the target. All creatures above the level
of the mage and all those of 6th level or 6 hit dice or more are
entitled to a saving throw vs. spell. Blind or unseeing creatures are
not affected by the spell. Creatures not allowed or failing saving
throws, and whose hit dice or levels are less than or equal to the
mage's level, are struck unconscious for 2d4 rounds; those with hit
dice or levels 1 or 2 greater than the mage's level are blinded for 1d4
rounds; those with hit dice or levels 3 or more greater than that of
the mage are stunned (reeling and unable to think or act coherently)
for one round.




Lohocla's Enchanted Bartender & Staff (Conjuration/Summoning)

Level: 1
Range: 0
Components: V, S, M
Duration: 1 hour / level
Casting Time: 1
Area of Effect: 40-foot radius
Saving Throw: None

     Lohocla created this spell for a tavern owner, who happened to be
a retired adventurer mage, that was having business trouble. Lohocla
gave him 100 gold pieces, bestowed the bartending NWP on him, taught
him an abundance of alcohol drinks, gave him the spell, and cast a
permanency spell on an enchanted bartender to serve the mage as a main
bartender. The spell is not one normally studied by adventuring mages
but is often used by retired adventurers and other sedentary types.
     This specialized version of the unseen servant was developed with
one particular task in mind - bartending and barkeeping. The enchanted
bartender and staff are magical forces under the control of the mage.
     The main power of the spell creates an enchanted bartender. It can
perform simple barkeeping actions like making, serving, and doctoring
drinks; wiping the bar; cleaning dirty drinking vessels; filling snack
bowls; etc..
     The enchanted bartender can only make mixed drinks that the mage
himself has prepared at some point in his life. Hopefully, the mage has
the bartending non-weapon proficiency so that his enchanted bartender
can make perfect drinks.
     Every three levels, the mage can create an enchanted barmaid to
assist the enchanted bartender. Thus at level 3 the mage can create one
barmaid, at level 6 the mage can create two barmaids, at level 9 the
mage can create three barmaids, etc.. An enchanted barmaid cannot mix
drinks like the enchanted bartender. An enchanted barmaid can perform
simple barmaid actions like serving drinks and snacks, wiping off
tables, sweeping up messes, etc..
     Every six levels, the mage can create an enchanted bouncer. Thus
at level 6 the mage can create one bouncer, at level 12 the mage can
create two bouncers, at level 18 the mage can create three bouncers,
etc.. An enchanted bouncer serves only one purpose: to expel disorderly
persons (with the exception of the mage of course) in a bar/tavern
setting. An enchanted bouncer has a Strength of 18/1d100, a Dexterity
of 18, and a number of hit points equal to the mages. If an enchanted
bouncer is given resistance, he proficiently attacks with non-lethal
combat such as punching and wrestling. DMs must be sure that the player
does not abuse an enchanted bouncer's power. It is only created to
expel disorderly people in a bar/tavern setting, not to enter the
mage's combative battles while adventuring.
     The enchanted bartender and staff with the exception of the
bouncers are no stronger then an unseen servant and no more dextrous
than its creator. The enchanted bartender and staff can be left to do
their duties on their own. If something disrupts the smooth flow of
their routine (such as the arrival of Tiamat), the staff will go to the
enchanted bartender who will seek the advice of its creator.
     All creations may be dispelled by the caster at will. Also, an
enchanted bartender or any staff other than the bouncers can be
dispelled by taking 6 points of damage from the area of effect attacks
such as breath weapons, explosions, etc.. A dispel magic spell will get
rid of everybody.
     The material components of this spell are a block of birch wood
and some string.




Lohocla's Drunken Memory Teleport (Alteration)

Level: 2
Range: 5 feet / level
Components: V
Duration: Permanent
Casting Time: 2 segments
Area of Effect: Special
Saving Throw: Reverses

     Another gift of Lohocla's to strange mages this is the low-level
sister spell to Lohocla's Tipsy Turvey Teleport. Although it may seem
quite powerful, it is not. The consequences of casting this spell are
quite dangerous, which will be mentioned later. Many first-level spells
would be a much better pick, but some half-crazed mages add this spell
to their collection for a little random spontaneity.
     When this spell is used, the mage is able to teleport a maximum
weight of 250 pounds, plus additional 150 pounds for each level of
experience above the 10th (a 13th-level mage can teleport up to 700
pounds), to a randomly selected place. The place has an alcohol theme
(i.e. inns, taverns, bars, wineries, breweries, distilleries,
vineyards, etc.) and is a location previously visited by the mage after
receiving the spell. Thus, a mage who just copied the spell into his
spell book would have a non-functioning spell until he visited an
alcohol-related location. The player should make a table of all the
locations and once the spell is cast, roll on the table to see where
the teleportees go to. The DM may opt to make the locations on the
table be weighted thus making the more frequently visited places become
the target of the spell more often. The spell functions by scanning the
character's subconscious for those places in memory where alcohol or
alcohol themes were present.
     Every living being or magical item gets a saving throw, if desired
(a person who wants himself and his belongings teleported doesn't
require a saving throw). If the saving throw is successful, the mage
and any comrades/friends (the spell scans the mage's mind to see who
should accompany the spell) are teleported instead as long as
everybody's weight is under the maximum weight able to be teleported.
It is the DM's decision who gets teleported with the mage if everybody
can't be teleported because of the weight restriction.
     Because the spell can be reversed and that the spell uses the
mage's memories, it can be very dangerous for the mage if he uses it
against enemies. Mainly, the spell sends the enemies to the
establishments that the mage visited and if the mage ever returns to
these places, the people there will probably be quite upset. The best
use of the spell is to cast it on himself and the his comrades so they
will be teleported to the places. Of course, if there are hostile
places that they can be teleported to, then they could be in an even
worse situation. Also, not to many adventuring parties will want to
chance leaving in the middle of an adventure because of this spell.
     Unlike its sister spell, Lohocla's Tipsy Turvey Teleport, this
spell permanently teleports the teleportees to the location.
     Why such a low level spell? Without reiterating the dangers of the
spell's reverse ability, randomness, and the level of relative spells
(i.e. Teleport, Teleport without Error); the best argument is based on
spell and mage level. It is a fact that a high level spell can only be
utilized by a high level mage. It is assumed that a high level mage
will have high level opponents. High level opponents will have a good
chance of making their saving throws, thus rendering the spell
reversible. Thus, as a mage goes up in level, this spell becomes
progressively useless. If the spell has a high level that only high
level mages can take, it would not see much use. However, if the spell
has a low level that can be utilized by low level mages, it would have
use (at a high risk) for a time.
     Before a player or DM doesn't give this spell a chance, just
remember that nothing can be more nostalgic then high-level characters
being teleported to a tavern they once visited when they were first
level. Plus, DMs can dig out the old information that they thought they
would never use again.




Lohocla's Monster Summoning 1/2 Pint (Conjuration/Summoning)

Level: 2
Range: 20 yards
Components: V, S, M
Duration: 1 rounds + 1 round/level
Casting Time: 2
Area of Effect: Special
Saving Throw: None

     This chaotic spell is respectfully named for the Guardian of
Alcohol Lohocla. Actually the spell was created by a mage, with a
fondness for booze, who wanted to pay tribute to the "King" with a
powerful low-level spell. When Lohocla found out about this tribute,
the mage was lavishly rewarded with many bottles, barrels, and jugs of
excellent wine, beer, ale, and mead. They became quick bar buddies with
a hefty tab. Anyhow, the spell isn't as grand and powerful as it may
seem. Although the spell can give great rewards, it can equally cause
as much trouble. Thus, it is a low level spell that few mages would add
to their collection. Only the foolish of mages take such an
unpredictable spell. Luckily most adventurers are foolish.
     Within one round of casting this spell, the mage magically
conjures a monster or monsters that have a relationship to alcohol (no
matter how minute). Roll on the Table A to see what monster(s) are
summoned. When a mage reaches 9th level, he may at his option modify
the die roll by 1 thus giving him a choice of three monsters. Thus a
9th level mage rolls a 2. He can now decide to summon a St. Bernard dog
(2), Throat Leach (1=2-1), or Clydesdale horse (3=2+1).
     Every four levels, the mage can get an extra roll on the table if
he wants. Thus at level 5 the mage gets two rolls, at level 9 the mage
gets three rolls, at level 13 the mage gets four rolls, etc..


TABLE A: Monster(s) Summoned (1d100 / 3 rounding up)

Die                            No.                           Frequency
Roll Monster                   Appearing   Found In          & Hit Die
 1   Throat Leach              1d6         FF 88             comm 1hp
 2   Dog, Saint Bernard        1           Alcohol Guide     comm 2+2
 3   Horse, Clydesdale         1           Alcohol Guide     comm 3+3
 4   Leprechaun                1d20        MC2               unco 2-5hp
 5   Satyr                     2d4         MC1               unco 5
 6   Boozeworm                 1d2         Alcohol Guide     rare 2hp
 7   Sprite                    10d10       MC1               rare 1hp
 8   Oozes, Crystal            1d2         MC1               rare 4
 9   Centaur, Sylvan           1d8         MC1               rare 4
10   Milwaukee                 1           Alcohol Guide     rare 5
11   Succubus                  1           MC Outer Planes   rare 6
12   Mold, Brown               1 patch     MC2               very -
13   Alcohol Hummingbird       1           Alcohol Guide     very 2hp
14   Alchemy Plant             1           MC9 Spelljamer2   very 1
15   Skeleton, Yo-Ho-Ho        3d10        Alcohol Guide     very 1+2
16   Ants, Red Alcohol         1d100       Alcohol Guide     very 2-3
17   Ants, Black Alcohol       1d100       Alcohol Guide     very 2-3
18   Gremlin, Fremlin          1d4         MC Greyhawk       very 3+6
19   Horse, Volatilis Clyde.   5d10        Alcohol Guide     very 4
20   Horse, Pravus Clydesdale  1d20        Alcohol Guide     very 5
21   Dragon, Kodragon          1           MC DragonLance    very 5
22   Korred                    1d4         MC1               very 6+1
23   Elephant, Pink            1d12        Alcohol Guide     very 11
24   Luch                      1           Alcohol Guide     very 11+
25   Alcohol Dragon            1           Alcohol Guide     very 13+
26   REROLL on Table A with -1 cumulative to the die roll
27   REROLL on Table A with -2 cumulative to the die roll
28   REROLL on Table A with -3 cumulative to the die roll
29   ROLL twice on Table A ignoring rolls greater than 24
30   ROLL thrice on Table A ignoring rolls greater than 24
31   Special: ROLL on Table B


TABLE B: Special (1d100)

Die                               No.                         Frequency
Roll  Monster                  Appearing      Found In        & Hit Die
01-15 Malus Succubus (avatars)    1d2         AG (Malus)      very  6
16-30 The Wines (avatars)          1          AG (Vinumus)    very
31-45 Boozies (avatars)           1d12        AG (Ebrietas)   very 15
46-60 Swissyries (avatars)         6          AG (Excitarus)  very 15
61-70 Excitarus' dogs (minions)    4          AG (Excitarus)  uniq 10ea
71-75 Berry & Grape (minions)      2          AG (Vinumus)    uniq 15ea
76-80 Seltzer (human)              1          AG (Ebrietas)   uniq  7
81-90 The Guardian Of Alcohol      1          AG              uniq
91-95 Bartles & James (gods)       1          AG (Vinumus)    uniq
 96   Ebrietas (god)               1          AG (Ebrietas)   uniq
 97   Malus Temulentia (god)       1          AG (Malus)      uniq
 98   Vinumus (god)                1          AG (Vinumus)    uniq
 99   Excitarus (god)              1          AG (Excitarus)  uniq
 00   Special: ROLL on Table C


TABLE C: Special II (1d30)

Die
Roll   Result
01-05  REROLL on Table B with -10 cumulative to the die roll
06-10  REROLL on Table B with -20 cumulative to the die roll
11-15  REROLL on Table B with -30 cumulative to the die roll
16-20  REROLL on Table B with -40 cumulative to the die roll
21-22  ROLL 2x on Table B
23-24  ROLL 3x on Table B
25-26  ROLL 4x on Table B
 27    ROLL 5x on Table B and duck because the shit will hit the fan
 28    The mage may choose his force from Table A
 29    The mage may choose his force from Table B; no gods
 30    The DM should reward such great dice rolling with a wish or some
       great item of alcohol nature. Then he should have the dice
       checked to see if they are really that good.


     Any rolls equal to or less than 0 are equal to 1.
     The monsters, or monster if only one was summoned, appear in an
area within the spell range, as desired by the mage. If the monster is
from Table A, roll on Table D to see how the monster or monsters will
react.


TABLE D: Monster(s) Reactions (1d12)

01-06 They attack the spell caster's opponents to the best of their
      ability until either he commands that the attacks cease, the
      spell duration expires, or the monsters are slain. If no opponent
      exists to fight, summoned monsters can, if a wizard can
      communicate with them and if they are physically able, perform
      other services for the summoning mage.
07-10 They attack the spell caster and his comrades to the best of
      their ability until the spell duration expires, or the monsters
      are slain.
11-12 They act independently of the spell caster and will act according
      to intelligence, alignment, morale, and the DMs wishes.


     The creatures vanish when slain. Creatures from 1 and 2 do not
check morale.
     The material components of this spell are a tiny bag, a small
candle (not necessarily lit), and a 1/2 pint of pure grain alcohol.




Lohocla's Aqua Vitae (Necromancy)

Level: 3
Range: Touch
Components: V, S, M
Duration: Permanent
Casting Time: 9
Area of Effect: Creature touched
Saving Throw: None

     The great magic of healing is not limited to those medic clerics
that roam with adventuring parties. Lohocla bestows the art of healing
to mages through this spell.
     Known to some as the "Water of Life", this spell's healing powers
begin once the mage anoints the injured person with alcohol. The
alcohol may be of any type (i.e. beer, wine, liquor, etc.) but must be
a minimum of 100 years old (i.e. created at least a century ago). When
anointing the injured person, the mage must have physical contact with
the victim (i.e. touch him).
     After the spell is cast, it causes 1d8 + 1 for every level of the
mage points of wound or other injury damage to the creature's body to
be healed. This healing cannot affect creatures without corporeal
bodies, nor can it cure wounds of creatures not living or of
extraplanar origin.
     Curing is permanent only insofar as the creature does not sustain
further damage; caused wounds will heal - or can be cured - just as any
normal injury.
     This spell along with the permanency spell and a few other magicks
can be used to make a healing potion. Unlike the cleric's healing
potions, this mage's potion has the taste and effects of wine. An
exciting concept indeed.




Lohocla's Fire Flow (Alteration)

Level: 3
Range: Special
Components: V, S, M
Duration: 1 round / level
Casting Time: 3
Area of Effect: Special
Saving Throw: None

     After the mage casts this spell, a stream of flaming alcohol
shoots out in a straight line from his clenched fist. The mage can move
the stream 90 degrees per round. Thus given 4 rounds, the mage can
cover 360 degrees, i.e. engulf his surroundings.
     The amount of flaming alcohol is dependent of the mage's level. A
5th level mage casts a "stream", a 5' long stream, at a rate of 5
gallon per round. A 7th level mage casts a "fountain", a 10' long
stream, at a rate 10 gallons per round. A 9th level mage casts a
"geyser", a 20' long stream, at a rate 25 gallons per round. A mage has
the option of producing a less potent flow. For example, a 9th level
mage is able to cast a geyser but may opt to cast a fountain or stream.
     When any creature comes in contact with the burning alcohol, it
suffers 1d4 points of damage, plus 1 point of damage for each level of
experience of the mage.
     The liquid will remain for the duration of the spell doing 2
points of damage each round. Flammable materials touched by the liquid
burn. Things burning can be extinguished in the next round after the
spell ends if no other action is taken. "Stop, Drop, and Roll."
     The mage's movement is quartered for the duration of the spell.
Also, he may not perform any other actions except aiming the flow. The
mage may not stop the flow of the flaming alcohol, only the ending of
the spell will do this.
     The material components of the spell are a bar of lye soap, a pint
of pure alcohol, and a flame from any source.




Lohocla's Tipsy Turvey Teleport (Alteration)

Level: 3
Range: 10 feet / level
Components: V
Duration: Special
Casting Time: 2 segments
Area of Effect: Special
Saving Throw: Reverses

      Lohocla wanted to help mages escape from dire situations or get
rid of their enemies very quickly. Unfortunately the spell tries to do
both which lends itself to chaos and tends to accomplish the wrong
solution. The disorder of this spell presents itself in many ways, as
most of Lohocla's spells do. This spell isn't the most powerful spell
(although it may seem so), mainly because it has a big chance of
backfiring. It might get the mage and his comrades out of trouble, but
it could give them some new problems.
     When this spell is used, the mage is able to teleport a maximum
weight of 250 pounds, plus additional 150 pounds for each level of
experience above the 10th (a 13th-level mage can teleport up to 700
pounds), to a randomly selected place.
     Every living being or magical item gets a saving throw, if desired
(a person who wants himself and his belongings teleported doesn't
require a saving throw). If the saving throw is successful, the mage
and any comrades are teleported instead as long as everybody's weight
is under the maximum weight able to be teleported. It is the DM's
decision who gets teleported with the mage if everybody can't be
teleported because of the weight restriction.
     Roll on Table A to see where the victims are teleported. The
descriptions presented here are in terms as if the characters were
teleported. Why? Nobody cares what happens to other people who are
teleported to these locations. Players want to know what happens to
their characters and DMs will be required to run a scenario in the new
location. Thus, the information is provided to assist DMs in a running
a clever and humorous scenario. The places presented here are ideas and
suggestions from fiction and non-fiction of the past, present, and
future. DMs should feel to modify the locations as he sees fit to
better suit his knowledge (some suggestions are give in the
description). The better a DM knows a place, the better the characters'
encounter will be. Also remember: "Just go with the flow".
     The duration of the spell is: 1d30 hours + 2d30 minutes + 2d30
seconds + 1 hour per level (Note: those that aren't one of the elite
group who have a 30-sider may substitute a 20-sider, but they are
missing one of the great treasurers of the RPG world). DMs may opt to
decide the duration based on his plans for the characters in the
strange locations. DMs are encouraged to make these encounters exciting
and unique. If the DM thrusts the characters into an exciting plot in a
bizarre environment, then the DM should not be constrained by the
spell's duration. The spell is intended to add thrills to PCs'
adventuring career and a little fun for the DM's hard work.
     Why such a low level spell? Without reiterating the dangers of the
spell's reverse ability, randomness, and the level of relative spells
(i.e. Teleport, Teleport without Error); the best argument is based on
spell and mage level. It is a fact that a high level spell can only be
utilized by a high level mage. It is assumed that a high level mage
will have high level opponents. High level opponents will have a good
chance of making their saving throws, thus rendering the spell
reversible. Thus, as a mage goes up in level, this spell becomes
progressively useless. If the spell has a high level that only high
level mages can take, it would not see much use. However, if the spell
has a low level that can be utilized by low level mages, it would have
use (at a high risk) for a time.


TABLE A: Locations (Roll 1d100 / 4 rounded up)

01. Dodge City Saloon in Dodge City, KA (1874, real world)

     The characters find themselves, just outside the swinging doors of
an old west saloon in Dodge City, or an old west city the DM likes.
     Great scenarios exist in the root-and-tooten wild west. Hopefully,
the characters arrival will stir up a lot of trouble with the outlaws,
sheriffs, and other interesting folks.
     The DM is referred to The Complete Guide To AD&D Technology and
the Boot Hill RPG to assist in handling old west situations.

02. Miriam's Place in Nepal (1936, Raiders of the Lost Ark)

     Miriam's Place is a dive nestled deep in the cold mountains of
Nepal. Miriam, inherited it from her father Abner, an archaeologist.
The adventurers can appear in the establishment before Indiana Jones or
the Nazis show up OR any time the DM wishes. Hopefully, the characters
will tag along with Indiana Jones as he searches for the Ark of the
Covenant (treat as a powerful artifact).
     If DMs want to allow characters to adventure with Indiana, then he
should watch the movie and take some serious notes. It will be worth
it, even though the players have probably seen the movie.
     DMs may want Indiana to go back to the characters' world as an
exciting NPC or new player character.

03. Rosie's Bar or The Officer's Club at MASH 4077 in Korea (1950-
    1953, MASH television show)

     The characters find themselves in one of the local bars of the
MASH 4077. The DM can put them in any time with the old or new cast.
Many exciting scenarios exist with this mad-capped crew. Frank Burns
can capture the characters as the enemy. Hot lips can be attracted to
one of the charismatic characters.
     The DM should consider picking his favorite episode and drop the
characters in the middle of it. "5:00 Charlie".

04. Schott's Brewing Company in Milwaukee, WS (1950s, Laverne and
    Shirley)

     The characters find themselves in the middle of the Milwaukee
Brewing company surrounded by bottles traveling on conveyor belts and
lots of other machinery. Two young workers, Laverne and Shirley, are
nearby working. Of course, Laverne and Shirley will have to get
involved with the characters, possibly even asking one of them out for
a date (a good way to see the 20th century city).
     DMs should watch the television show to see some of the mad-capped
adventures they can get into if they stick with Laverne, Shirley,
Lenny, and Squiggy.

05. The Regal Beagle in Los Angeles, CA (1980s, Threes Company)

     The characters find themselves in a corner booth of a small pub.
Sitting nearby by are Jack, Janet, and Chrissy (or Terry). Across the
room is Larry picking up a women. The Ropers (or Mr. Firley) are also
in the pub.
     Many exciting plots can develop if the characters interact with
the people. Of course, it should be based on a huge misunderstanding,
     DMs should watch the television show to see how goofy everybody
acts. Hopefully, DMs won't go crazy watching the show.

06. The Pacific Princess cruise ship some where on the Pacific Ocean
    (1980s, The Love Boat)

     Possibly one of the worst encounters, the characters find
themselves at the bar by the pool or in the Pirate's Cove on the
Pacific Princess cruise ship better known as the Love Boat. Of course,
the first person they meet will be big-grinned Issac Washington the
chief bartender. Other ship's crew are Julie Mccoy, Gopher, the good
doctor, and the captain.
     Hopefully, the characters won't be considered stowaways and can
interact with everybody. All kinds of people can be passengers on the
ship so the DM may go nuts with interaction. Please don't let Charo on.

07. Alcohol Anonymous Meeting, anywhere (present, real world)

     The characters find themselves outside a door which has "AA" on
it. If they enter, the characters see a bunch of people who are
discussing their alcohol problem. They openly welcome the characters
who must have a problem given their strange appearance and behavior.

08. The Boar's Nest in Hazzard County, GA (present, The Dukes of
    Hazzard)

     The characters find themselves outside of a grey wood building
with a Boar's Nest sign. There are some interesting motor vehicles in
the dirt parking lot: a orange "racing" car with a 01 on the side and a
confederate flag on top, a long white convertible with a bull horn on
the hood, a nice-looking jeep with a golden eagle on the hood and
"Dixie" written on the side, a old white pick-up truck, a tow-truck,
and two beat-up police cars.
     If they enter the building, the characters find a country bar.
Among the patrons are Uncle Jesse, Bo and Luke (or sadly Coy and
Vince), Crazy Cooter, Enos, Cledos, and the sexy long-legged Daisy
waiting tables in her oh-so-tight shorts. In a back room can be found
Boss Hogg and Roscoe.
     Oh boy, the many scenarios in Hazzard is unreal. The characters
could get hired by Boss Hogg for a mischief task. They could help the
Dukes stop Boss Hogg and Roscoe do something terrible. They could get
the Duke Boys out of trouble. And of course, everybody will want to
become Daisy Duke's love interest. Personally, somebody should beat up
Enos, that sissy hillbilly. Whatever scenario the DM creates, it should
be based around the moonshine business.
     The DM should definitely have a hide speed car chase with all the
jumps. The DM should also watch the show over and over again to really
get the feel of Hazzard County.

09. Bush Gardens Amusement Park in Williamsburg, VA (present, real
    world)

     The characters find themselves riding on the Loch Ness Monster
Roller Coaster, or another exciting ride. Hopefully, the characters can
survive the ride and tour the amusement park and the brewery.
     The characters, dressing as adventurers usually do, will find
themselves be approached by the tourists thinking that they (the
characters) are part of the attraction ("Look honey, get a picture of
little Albert with the medieval mage"). The only way the characters can
get American currency is to sell their gold, silver, copper, and
platinum pieces to the tourists (DMs should be stingy in this regard,
as the tourists would be). Hopefully, the character will buy some
souvenirs after obtaining some cash.
     As the advertisement states: "Come. See. Conquer!"

10. Cheers Bar in Boston, MA (present, Cheers)

     "Where everybody knows your name, and your friends they're glad
you came...". That's right, the characters are in the famous Cheers bar
with all the staff and patrons: Sam Malone, Norm, Cliff, Frazier,
Carla, Rebecca or Diane, Woody or Coach. A DM should pick a favorite
episode of the television show and thrust their characters in the
middle of it.
     Many possible scenarios can take place in the bar. Their clothes
alone allows Carla to insult the characters' wardrobe, Diane to belive
the characters are a theater group and request a performance, Frazier
to try and help them mentally, Norm and Cliff to accept them as long as
they get a beer from them.

11. The Corner Cafe in Lavale, MD (present, real world)

     The Corner Cafe is in the Country Club Mall. This is a typical
mall bar and DMs should feel free to change this to a bar in a familiar
mall.
     The main point of this encounter is to get the characters into a
mall. If they can get a hold of some money and try to fit in, then they
can have tons of fun shopping. Of course, interaction with the mall
rent-a-cops would be fun as well.

12. HammerJacks in Baltimore, Maryland (present, real world)

     The characters pop in amongst a large wild crowd in the ultimate
heavy metal bar. The characters will mostly go unnoticed because
everybody here is weird.
     Cans of warm beer for only $3.75 and drinks in plastic cups (glass
is dangerous) for even larger prices can be bought. Overflowing
toilets, sinks, and garbage cans are in the bathroom. But most
importantly, the DM should have his favorite heavy metal (or close to
heavy metal) group on stage with more groups to come. If the DM can't
come up with one, have Guns N' Roses preforming when the characters
arrive. Then Metallica and then Skid Row can perform. What a night, as
long as the characters don't get drunk and pass out.
     This can lead to many exciting encounters, especially if the
characters can get a hold of the 20th century technology, i.e. the
electric guitar.

13. Improv Comedy Club, Los Angeles, CA (present, real world)

     The characters find themselves in the back of a dark bar. There is
a stage in the front on which is a person performing comedy. A waitress
asks the characters if they would like to be seated now and then takes
there drink orders.
     This encounter is a great place for the DM to do a comedy routine
if that is his forte. Hopefully, the DM will at least put well known
comics on stage like Dennis Miller.

14. Mo's Tavern in Springfield, U.S.A. (present, The Simpsons)

     The characters find themselves in the cartoon world of The
Simpsons. What can be more exciting then being a cartoon. They get to
me Mo, Homer, Barney, and the rest of the drunks.
     The DM is referred to the Toon RPG to make this experience a
memorable one.

15. The Nudy Bar in Paw Paw, WV (present, real world)

     The DM can make this a strip bar nearest (and maybe even familiar)
to the DM. If the DM is not familiar with such things, then it will be
a bar in a hick town in West Virginia.
     The characters find themselves in the back of the Paw Paw, WV nudy
bar. The bar is packed with loud, obnoxious hillbillies whaling and
slobbering over naked, tattooed, scarred, somewhat-attractive women.
Very few people will notice the oddness of the characters do to the
floor show.

16. The Safehouse in Milwaukee, WS (present, real world/James Bond
    movies)

     Characters find themselves outside a fairly nondescript cream
brick building. The Safehouse is just south of the Windham hotel on
Water Street. There is a deli on the north side of the building, and a
restaurant on the west side overlooking the Milwaukee river. This is a
secretive bar visited by men of government and specifically spies.
     Walking up to the east side of the building, there is a stairway
leading up to a very simple door. The characters would assume that it
is just a warehouse door, except for the sign which says "International
Exports" (the name of the cover-company James Bond worked for).
      There is the main bar, and the "American Bar" in the safehouse,
along with a restaurant. Message tubes pass orders from the bars to the
restaurant. The food is excellent, so popular the owners decided to
open the deli on the north side of the building (which is an
alternative entrance) which serves the same food during the day. There
is a hologram "kissing booth" where a animated hologram woman blows a
kiss for a quarter, an immense sliding wall puzzle in the restaurant,
and a few other surprises. There is many exciting arcade games like
Strategic Nuclear War, Star Wars, Spy Hunter, etc.. Waitresses tend to
be in elaborate states of dress and undress. The specialty drink of the
house is Spy's Demise.
     DMs are encourage to load up the Safehouse with spies and
government men from television, movies, or the real world.

17. Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh, PA (present, real world)

     The DM can make this any baseball stadium he desires. Three Rivers
Stadium is used here because of Pittsburgh having the Iron City
Brewery.
     The characters find themselves in the stadium. They can be in the
stands, in the dugout, on the field. A great scenario is to have the
characters appear in a vendor uniforms with coolers filled with Iron
City beer.

18. Paul Masons Winery San Jose, CA (present, real world)

     Players get stuck in a tour group at the winery. During the tour
they see modern wine making in action and then get sent to the wine
tasting room for a little nip.

19. Cantina on the planet Tatooine (future, Star Wars)

    The characters have entered a bar in a galaxy, far, far away. They
are in the bar made famous in the Star Wars movie. DM's can have the
players enter the bar at the same time Ben Kanobi and Luke Skywalker
are trying to get Han Solo to fly them off the planet OR the DM can
have them appear at any time during the Star Wars Trilogy (or anytime
during a Star Wars RPG campaign).
     Characters won't be out of place in a location filled with a
multitude of strange races. They could mistake everything for some
Spelljamming place (if familiar with spelljamming) until they see all
the non-magical technology (laser guns, space ships, etc.).
     Great interaction can exist with interaction between the
characters and the Star Wars personalities. Clever DMs can redo the
Star Wars movies with the characters tagging along with Han and Luke.

20. Ten Forward on the Enterprise (future, Star Trek: The Next
    Generation)

     The characters find themselves in Ten Forward on the starship
Enterprise. Unfortunately, the "Intruder Alert" alarm has been set off
by the characters. At this time, the characters will surrounded by
ship's security. Possibly, Guiana may realize that the characters are
from another time and place (possibly another dimension) and will
interrupt to save their hides.
     For high-level characters, the DM may want to have the Borg
attacking the ship at the time of their arrival.
   The DM is referred to The Complete Guide To AD&D Technology and The
Complete Guide To AD&D Star Trek to assist in helping with this place.

21. The Promenade on Deep Space 9 (future, Star Trek: Deep Space 9)

     The characters find themselves on the promenade of the Deep Space
9 space station. Quark, the local proprietor of Quark's Place in the
Promenade, greets the characters and tries to sell them many goods and
services.
     Visit the holo-sweet? Interact with the Starfleet officers? Maybe
the borg are attacking the station?
     The DM is referred to The Complete Guide To AD&D Technology and
The Complete Guide To AD&D Star Trek to assist in helping with this
place.

22-25 Reroll




Lohocla's Cloud of Alcohol (Evocation/Alteration)

Level: 4
Range: 10 yards
Components: V, S, M
Duration: 1 round / level
Casting Time: 4
Area of Effect: 5 cubic feet / level
Saving Throw: None

      Another powerful offensive spell by Lohocla, this spell creates a
vaporous cloud of pure alcohol. Hopefully, many mages will enjoy
reeking havoc with the sweet aroma of this spell.
     This spell produces a cloud of alcohol that has a very faint blue
tint to it. The cloud gives off a strong scent of alcohol.
     The cloud will move away from the caster at 10 ft. per round,
rolling along the ground in the original direction dictated by the
caster. A moderate breeze causes it to alter course (roll for
direction), but it does not move back toward the caster. A strong wind
breaks it up in four rounds, and a greater wind force prevents the use
of the spell. Very thick vegetation will disperse the cloud in two
rounds. As the vapors are heavier than air, they sink to the lowest
level of the land, even pour down den or sinkhole openings. It cannot
penetrate liquids, nor can it be cast underwater.
     For each round a creature is engulfed in the cloud, he must make a
Constitution check. The check has a modifier relevant to the mage's
level:

          Mage's Level     Constitution Modifier
             07-08                  -04
             09-10                  -05
             11-12                  -06
             13-14                  -07
             15-16                  -08
             17-18                  -09
             19-20                  -10

A successful check indicates that the creature holds his breath for
that round and does not succumb to the cloud's effects. A failed check
indicates that the creature inhales a sufficient quantity of the
gaseous vapors into the lungs. The effects of absorbing gaseous alcohol
through the respiratory system rather than liquid alcohol through the
digestive system is quite dangerous. A person affected by the cloud
enters a state of great intoxication with all the effects that this
entails. The affected person will remain intoxicated for 1d30 rounds
after the duration of the spell. Once the intoxication ends, the victim
will be returned to a normal state (i.e. does not have to slowly
recover from the intoxication). The only possible reminder of the
intoxication would be a hangover effect (as per the rules) if a save
vs. poison is failed.
     If the cloud of alcohol comes in contact with a flame, it
explodes. Anything in the cloud will suffer 2d10+10 points of burn
damage. The explosion will reach out a number of feet equal to five
times half the mage's level. Anything that is in the explosion area of
effect will suffer 1d10+5 points of burn damage. For example, a 10th
level mage casts the spell and creates a 50-cubic-foot cloud that comes
in contact with a candle flame. Anything in the cloud will take 2d10+10
points of burn damage. The explosion will reach anything that is 25
feet away from the cloud which will suffer 1d10+5 points of burn
damage. Unfortunately, the mage was within 10 feet of the cloud and
suffers 8 points of damage. With regards to the fiery explosion, please
note that flammable materials will continue to burn after the explosion
takes place.
     At 10th level, a mage has the option of igniting the cloud. If the
mage opts to do this, casting time is 6 rounds. Upon completion of
casting the spell, the cloud will travel its course until the last
round of the spell's duration. At this point, the cloud is ignited and
explodes as described above.
     At the very low temperature of -170 degrees Fahrenheit, the cloud
of alcohol will freeze solid. There will be few times that the mage
would find himself in such a situation. However, the mage may find
himself in a situation where the temperature drops to below 0 degrees
Fahrenheit. In this case, the cloud of alcohol will begin to turn into
liquid form. The spell is rendered virtually useless as far as it's
combative intent goes. However, the cold liquid form of alcohol may
serve a more important purpose. A lot of pure, smooth alcohol can be
produced for consumption. This spell which seems to be nothing more
than an offensive weapon could perhaps enable alcohol production in
places where grain can't be grown or where fermentation is difficult
due to weather/temperature. Thus, DM's may want to introduce this spell
in an arctic climate as a creative way of producing alcohol. Then, a
player may or may not learn of the spell's full offensive potential.
     Note that the cloud of alcohol disperse once the duration of the
spell ends. However, any liquid or solid forms of the alcohol will
permanently remain after the spell ends.
     The main material component is a finely-crafted glass snifter (a
pear-shaped goblet with a narrow top) which remains after the spell is
cast. Other material components, which are consumed when the spell is
cast, are a pint of pure alcohol and a small ice cube. A mage using the
ignition option must have a pinch of dung from a Milwaukee.




Lohocla's "Shaken Not Stirred" (Alteration)

Level: 4
Range: 0
Components: V, S, M
Duration: 3 rounds + 1 round / level
Casting Time: 6
Area of Effect: 1 creature and 25' foot diameter
Saving Throw: Special

     This spell causes two unrelated effects. The first is a local
tremor of low strength that rumbles the ground around the target. The
shock lasts the duration of the spell. The small quake is dramatic and
startling but does not cause any harm or ill effects. It is intended to
mislead victims into thinking the spell affects multiple persons or a
large area like the earthquake spell.
     The danger of the spell is the second effect that is directed
towards only one person/creature. The target of the spell shakes
violently for the duration of the spell. (Note that this affect is a
separate action from the quake.) The shaking renders the victim
immobile (i.e. no movement, no combat, etc.). If a person/creature
touches the trembling victim at any time, then that person begins to
shake as well for the remainder of the spell. A trembling person
suffers 1d4 points of damage per round. During the last round, a
trembling person must make a saving throw. Failing the save causes the
person to enter comatose state of intoxication for 1d6 hours. Recovery
from this state is as stated in the rules.
     The main material component of this spell is a pint of a martini,
a drink composed of gin (an alcoholic liquor distilled from grain and
flavored with juniper berries), vodka (an alcoholic liquid distilled
from fermented wheat or rye mash, corn, or potatoes), and dry vermouth
(a white wine flavored with aromatic herbs). Other material components
are one olive with a slice of pimento (a mild-flavored red pepper) in
it, and the tail feather from a male chicken (a cocktail). All material
components are consumed once the spell is cast.




Lohocla's Mother-of-All-Burps (Alteration)

Level: 5
Range: 0
Components: V, S
Duration: Instantaneous
Casting Time: 5
Area of Effect: 10' X 50' X 50' wedge
Saving Throw: Special

     Another odd spell supposedly from Lohocla. Like the spell
Lohocla's Deadly Bottle Rockets, this spell requires the caster to be
intoxicated. Why the caster must be intoxicated is better understood
with this spell given its effect, but it is still a strange
requirement. In any case, Lohocla put much power in this spell in hopes
that drunken mages can still kick some butt in bar-room brawls or
anywhere else.
     An unusual (and disgusting) spell, this spell cannot be cast
unless the caster is under the influence of alcohol (i.e. in a state of
slight, moderate, or great intoxication). Of course, the mage generally
doesn't go adventuring while drunk, so this becomes a big hindrance if
not useless unless the mage is an alcoholic. On the other hand, it can
be a real benefit when the mage goes to a place knowing full well that
he will become intoxicated. Mainly, because the % of spell failure does
not exist in the case of this spell (note that the chance of spell
failure is still there for all other spells). This becomes very
valuable because the mage can get intoxicated, with all the problems it
entails, and always have a memorized spell that will work (especially
when greatly intoxicated when the % chance of spell failure is 100%).
     The burp is in the form of a strong fan-shaped puff of nauseous
vapors (described later) originates from the mage's mouth and moves in
the direction he is facing. The force of this gust of wind (about 30
m.p.h.) is sufficient to extinguish candles, torches, and similar
unprotected flames. It causes protected flames -such as those of
lanterns- to dance widely and has a 5% chance per level of experience
of the caster to extinguish even such lights. It also fans large fires
outward 1d6 feet in the direction of the wind's movement. It forces
back small flying creatures 1d6 X 10 yards and causes man-sized beings
to be held motionless if attempting to move against its force. It slows
larger-than-man-sized flying creatures by 50% for one round. It blows
over light objects, disperses most vapors, and forces away gaseous or
unsecured levitating creatures.
     The burp doesn't have a nice fresh air scent. Instead, it contains
nauseous vapors. Any creature caught within the wedge must roll a
successful saving throw vs. poison or be reeling and unable to attack
because of the nausea for 1d10 rounds. Those who make a successful
saving throw are not effected.
     Anybody caught in the wedge of wind may become deaf because of the
burp. A person becomes totally deaf and unable to hear any sounds. The
victim is allowed a saving throw vs. spell. An affected creature has a
-1 penalty to its surprise rolls unless its other senses are unusually
keen. Deafened spellcasters have a 20% chance to miscast any spell with
a verbal component.
     Nonmagical objects of crystal, glass, ceramic, or porcelain, such
as vials, bottles, flasks, jugs, windows, mirrors, etc. caught in the
burp's force are smashed into a dozens of pieces. Objects weighing more
than one pound per level of the caster are not affected, but all other
objects of the appropriate composition must save vs. crushing blow or
be shattered. Crystalline creatures usually suffer 1d6 points of damage
per caster level to a max. of 6d6, with a saving throw vs. spell for
half damage.
     Don't forgot to say "Excuse me" after the spell is over.

